


Nothing beside remains

by maya28



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, Omega Tony Stark, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Survival Horror, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:57:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maya28/pseuds/maya28
Summary: Tony wanders the wasteland of his old world, desperately running against the threat of the setting sun. Terrified and defenseless, he will fight for the one thing he has left to protect.But when things become hopeless, a stranger crosses his path. And he discovers what kinds of monsters hide in the dark.





	1. Chapter 1

He was alone.

There was a faint rustling around him, the wind gently shifting through leaves and paper and plastic bags. He was sitting with his back to a brick wall, his body mostly hidden by the trash cluttering the alley he was taking refuge in.

The light was slowly dying. He shivered.

Being alone was good. Being alone was safe. He had to keep telling himself that when the quiet became unbearable.

_36 days...5 weeks...It’s for sure now. There’s no mistaking it. And there’s no ignoring it. I have to think about this. Being one step ahead is all I have now._

Hunger was now as familiar as the cold, and yet he couldn’t help hoping he would find something more tonight. There was maybe another hour of light left. If he could only get to a shelter, maybe he could get food, maybe he could…

_I have to move._

But moving was dangerous. Moving meant breaking the fragile barrier of silence that enfolded him and risking unknown dangers. His only weapon was to listen, and his only warning was sound.

_I have to move._

He had no idea where he could possibly go. His limbs felt heavy, and his mind was too numb to properly contemplate any consequences. If he could just sit here quietly and wait for the night, maybe they wouldn’t find him, maybe he could just sleep. He wanted to sleep for a very long time.

_I have to move._

Once the light faded, he was as good as cornered. Once they came out to play…

_MOVE._

Something cracked nearby.

He kept perfectly still, since the noise was too close to risk any movement. He kept his breathing steady as well. He had learned long ago that the sharp sound of an erratic breathing could give him away.

So he just froze. Immobile and petrified in the cold.

When a shadow moved past him, he didn’t dare breathe a sigh of relief. It was never just one. They usually hunted in packs, like wolves or hyenas.

He briefly considered running, but the scent would give him away as well. Here there was a chance that the pungent smell of the sewer and wet puddles would hide him. That was what he was betting his life on, he thought almost hysterically. Sewer and trash.

_Well, not only my life._

“Hello.”

He didn’t so much as twitch a muscle. His body couldn’t afford the extra energy. Only his heart jerked wildly in his chest, beating a wild staccato. He closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids, the red glare of the setting sun turned dark. The voice sounded closer.

“You’ll die of pneumonia out here, you know.”

Tony opened his eyes blearily and took in the broad frame of his unexpected companion. The scent registered strongly even among the sickly sweet smell of garbage. An Alpha. _Figures._

“That was the plan. So if you wouldn’t mind, I’d rather do it in peace”.

Obviously, the man didn’t move an inch. Tony looked his way again and this time forced himself to maintain eye contact. He was standing between Tony and the setting sun, so his features were hard to distinguish. The huge bulk of his body was not.

“Listen, you can cut the protective instinct crap. You can probably smell what I am and I can definitely smell what you are. I’m not interested in a friendly afternoon chat, so you might as well leave me be. If that by any means clashes with your plan of rape and plunder, I’d rather get on with it. This place smells like shit and I’d rather not spend the night in this sewer.”

Distantly, he was aware of the stupidity of his rash words. But he was just so tired. He’d already seen enough of what happened when stray Alphas ran into an Omega after so many years of isolation and violence. He might as well give things a nudge just so that he could either go back to breathing or properly work himself into being terrified. Anything but this constant fog of fear that always clouded his mind and put a strain on his already frail body.

So he waited, staring down the man before him.

The look the man was giving him now was not cold or angry, but speculative in a way that made him wary. Tony wondered if he could smell the pregnancy on him, and if so, if that was more or less likely to get him hurt. Pregnant omegas gave off a scent which was supposed to engage protective instincts in others, encourage empathy and nurturing. But who knew if such biological mechanisms still had any sway over men hardened by war and loss.

The man moved from the mouth of the alley and Tony braced himself. But instead of making a grab for him, the stranger simply walked past him and leaned against the dead-end wall. Tony shot a quick glance to his now unobstructed escape path and then looked back at him.

“I’m Steve, by the way. Steve Rogers.” His back was no longer to the sun, and his features became more visible. He was smiling softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I keep forgetting things are different now, and you can’t just come up to people without getting stabbed or making them faint. Not that I thought you’d faint - still, it was rude of me.”

Tony blinked for a second.

The man - Steve slid down the wall and settled there, his shoulders curled in, his head a bit bowed, his hands resting on his knees. All he was missing was a cardboard sign saying I AM NOT A THREAT.

Still. The way he was telegraphing his intentions was so _deliberate_ , it didn’t exactly appease Tony’s unease.

“Uhm. Tony.”

“Tony. I’m glad to have met you though. I know it’s dangerous running into people, but I can’t help but be happy to see someone else survived.”

Tony scoffed.

“Yeah, I bet you’re glad to have run into me. Not that many Omegas around these days, are there?”

Steve’s smile turned into a grimace.

“That’s fair, I suppose.” He looked up at the sky. “I wouldn’t trust me either.”

Tony didn’t say anything to that. Was that a warning? Was he supposed to start running now?

“What are you doing around here?”

Tony shot him a disbelieving look.

“Sunbathing.”

Steve threw him a quick smile. He took a deep breath.

"I do realize how this will sound, but do you want to come with me? ”

What threw him was not the words, but the calm and normalcy of his voice. As if he was asking if he’d like to go out for coffee.

_Oh God, don’t think about coffee._

“Look, the sun is setting. I can’t in good conscience just leave you here, I think it’s obvious why. I realise there’s no reason to trust me whatsoever, but I swear I won’t touch you.

“Sure. Now that you said you won’t hurt me, I’m completely reassured.”

A corner of the Alphas mouth curled into a self-deprecating smile.

“What else are you gonna do though? Wanna bet how long it will take them to find you? It’s that or some gang. I don’t have to tell you what they do to Omegas, do I?”

“And I’m supposed to believe you’d be better?”

“You’re supposed to choose which way you think you’ll be better off.”

The words were cruel, but the man was still acting as if they were discussing the weather.

Tony swallowed. He let his eyes fall from the piercing gaze of the stranger before him, and looked around. He watched the dying light for a few seconds.

He could stay here. Maybe crawl his way to a shelter for the night. And hope to God he won’t be found. But the smell will most certainly give him away, and he learned by now not to rely on his luck.

But going with this stranger…

He seemed genuine. But axe murderers were supposed to seem genuine too. On the other hand, what would have stopped him from simply picking him up and carrying him away? There was no need for this long debate about the virtues of being the sex slave of one man instead of ten.

_He probably gets a kick out of it, playing the boy scout._

He made an effort to look. The most striking thing about Steve, other than the sheer size of him, was how _clean_ he was. His blond hair was greasy but it had obviously been washed fairly recently. His clothes were shabby, patched and sweat stained, but they weren’t dirty. His teeth still looked healthy and white.

He obviously had access to water and a fairly safe shelter.

Both of which Tony desperately needed, especially in his state. And he couldn’t afford to be selfish, not now.

His choice wasn’t really much of a choice in the first place.

His attention was caught by a glint of metal on Steve’s chest. Hanging from around his neck, the silvery shine betraying care and attachment, were dog tags. Two sets.

Steve had loved someone once.

_I’m sure I’ve had several ideas worse than this one._

“Very well, Stevie, I’ll come with you.”

\--------------------------------------

_This was a horrible idea._

They were walking down a deserted underground tunnel. Tony wasn’t sure if the fact that it was deserted was working for or against his sanity.

After Steve had waited for him to get to his feet and ride out the first wave of dizziness, he had led the way to a nearby tube station. He had made no move to touch him or nudge him along, simply walking ahead, trusting Tony to follow. Down into the darkness, he had magically produced a flashlight, not acknowledging Tony after his first reassurances that the distance was short and that food was already stashed away.

Tony hadn’t made up his mind yet if the quiet was calming or ominous. He had plenty of time to contemplate the stupidity of following strange Alphas into Godforsaken underground tunnels, and then double back to the certainty that being cornered into that alley would have brought things to a head anyway.

He took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

And then the smell hit him. He felt the hair at the nape of his neck stand on end, and a violent shiver racked his body.

Alpha. _A feral one._

In this Godforsaken world Alphas were a threat. But a feral Alpha was a danger beyond words. Unstable, unpredictable and savage, those who had the misfortune of falling into this madness used to be put down before the war. There had been no cure for the bloodlust coiled in them. A creature ruled by instinct, who knew no emotion or reason.

A creature he was now trapped with.

He couldn’t see anything in the dark, the light from Steve’s blowtorch blinding him to the surroundings. Tony felt panic rise in his chest. And Steve…

Steve was completely unbothered by the smell permeating the tunnel. He kept walking slowly ahead, as if… as if he was used to it. As if he knew exactly what… _who_ was lurking here in the dark.

“There’s someone else here -” he managed to choke out. “What - You...” He felt his voice fading in the path of his panic so he struggled to take another breath.

 _”Why did you bring me here?”_ He had to savagely strangle the urge to scream. He could feel the scream perched beneath his chin, but he couldn’t afford the noise.

“What kind of...of _monster_ is here?”

Steve stopped walking. He turned around to face him. His face was impassive, but his gaze seemed to hold a desolate sadness.

“He’s not a monster.”


	2. Chapter 2

“He’s not a monster”

Tony bolted. He ran blindly, guided only by the smell which screamed at him DANGER.

The light from Steve’s flashlight abruptly went off.

Tony barely had the time to process the implications of that before he collided with something solid. Warm and breathing.

He yelped and jumped back, panting madly and trying to push past the panic clouding his mind.

“Tony. Please, wait. Listen to me.”

That was Steve’s voice. He had run into Steve. Steve who was supposed to be _behind him_.

“How the fuck - what the _fuck_ … Get away from me. Why did you bring me here? And where is it? I can smell it. WHERE THE FUCK IS IT.”

“Tony. Calm down, please.” His voice was _still_ so unbelievably calm that Tony wanted to claw his eyes out.

He tried to make another run for it, making a wild approximation of Steve’s position in the dark and darting past him. All he got for his troubles was a hand clamping inexorably on his arm.

That pushed him over the edge.

He began to trash desperately. He aimed a punch at what he guessed to be Steve’s head, but his fist was grabbed easily in midair. 

_He can see me._.

“What the fuck are you? Let go of me! Get your hands _off me_. Let go of - “

Steve’s hand abruptly moved from his arm to clutch at his shirt and promptly slammed him against a wall.

The jarring motion slammed his brain back into place too. He took a breath and froze.

Steve turned the flashlight back on again.

“Are you calm?”  
Tony’s eyes watered from the sudden light, but he forced himself to look anyway. He didn’t answer.

“Okay, Tony. Now listen. I promised I won’t hurt you and I’ll keep my word. I’ll take you to a safe place. There’s no need to panic.”

A slightly hysterical laugh escaped Tony’s open mouth.

“There’s no need to panic? _There’s no need to panic?_. Do you think I can’t smell it? What the fuck are you on? This whole fucking tunnel smells like feral Alpha and we’re going _towards_ it. I’ll take my chances outside. Now _let me go_.” He kept his voice calm and firm by force of will alone.

“Tony, there’s nothing to fear. Please, come with me.”

“Are you completely _fucking insane_?”

“Tony.”

“I’m not taking on more step in that direction. Are you seriously telling me it’s safe? That you know it? That it’s your pet and you’re all friendly?”

“He’s not - “

“I don’t care if you decided to adopt a rabid animal I’m - “

“HE’S NOT AN ANIMAL.”

The quiet was deafening. Steve’s hand had begun trembling where it was holding Tony’s shirt, and his nostrils flared. His eyes were too bright and didn’t look entirely sane.

Tony made an effort to breathe slowly.

_I miscalculated._

“Okay. Ok. He’s not an animal.” He swallowed. “ But Steve, listen to me, I don’t want to go that way. I do not want to come with you anymore. You said you’d let me choose and now I’m telling you to let me go because I am NOT going that way.”

There was no change in Steve’s expression. He didn’t budge.

“You did choose, Tony.” Steve enunciated slowly. “And I need you to come with me.”

Tony felt Steve’s hand tightening on his shirt and remembered drowning, alone in a cold cave.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

In the end, he walked, Steve walking beside him. He couldn’t entertain the thought of running after the inexplicable display of earlier, so he just kept moving forward into a growing sense of dread.

The underground tunnel branched off to the right after a while, and then they followed an intricate array of twists and turns into progressively narrower corridors. The stench was now suffocating.

Tony was fervently trying to recall what he knew of ferals. They were mostly unspoken of, a dirty detail shunned in polite conversation. They knew of no cure or cause for it, so it was easier to ignore its existence.

A monster hiding under your bed.

He still remembered the one that had attacked his father many years ago. He had been too young to properly understand what he was seeing, but the image of the creature coiling and writhing on the carpet was still imprinted in his memory. Broken glass cutting its skin while it jerked with the electric current of the tasers embedded in its flesh, the blood staining the white wool as red as its hair.

He wondered what became of it, but he knew its ultimate end. The madness was incurable, their rage too violent to be contained.

And that just begged the question: _How was this one contained?_

Tony forcefully discarded that train of thought. _Fear is the mind killer._  
He needed information now. 

Pages and screens flickered in front of his eyes like roll film, the words neatly arranging in his mind. 

Articles, books, news, all useless to him now.

_”... haunting us since ancient tales, ferals have always been an integral part of our history. Creatures of shadows and myth, they have taken the shape of monsters, warriors, curses, and legends…”_

_”…twelve years old Annalise Lane was found dead three weeks after being reported missing. This unbelievably atrocious murder is believed to be caused by an escaped feral which…”_

_”...she was slender and deadly, her feral eyes…”_

_”...four ferals have escaped from Triskelion prison early this morning. Citizens are warned to exercise extreme caution and do not, under any circumstances, approach them…”_

_”...exhibit anomalous physical strength and inhuman reflexes…”_

_”...blood-thirsty demons, only His light may protect you against this evil…”_

_”...one of the beasts attacked my sister, it raped her then ripped her throat right out…”_

_”...stem cell transplant in an effort of facilitating the regeneration of affected cerebral tissue has proved inconclusive…”_

_”...Father Isaac is a vocal advocate of exorcism as the only effective way of curing…”_

_“...he wasn’t hurting anyone, please, he’s just a child, don’t…”_

_”...her work on the beneficial effect of electroshock therapy as treatment…”_

_”...isolation…”_

_”...inconclusive…”_

_”...surgical removal of the prefrontal cortex…”_

_”...inconclusive…”_

_”...a mix of benzodiazepines…”_

_”...exposure to focalised radiation…”_

_“...inconclusive…”_

_”...exposure to calming pheromones, especially those produced during pregnancy…”_

_”...incon - “_

Tony stopped dead.

He started laughing. 

Steve stopped by his side and watched him quietly, a hand grasping his arm.

Tony just kept on laughing, tears now leaking from his eyes.

Steve didn’t say anything and kept dragging him forward, his laugh leaving behind an empty echo.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

The corridor ended with a wall where a dark hole lay gaping, mostly hidden by an enormous boulder. Steve let him go and put down the flashlight, it’s light spilling towards the crude entrance. After steadying himself against the slippery floor, he pushed it out of the way with his bare hands.

He came back and nudged Tony through the hole, into a small damp room. A wooden staircase to the right. A basement then. A door to the left, metal. On the - 

THUMP

Something slammed against the door.

THUMP.

Steve turned towards it and his large unyielding body seemed to fracture as if something was crushing him from within.

A wave of boiling anger suddenly evaporated Tony’s terror.

“So what’s the plan, Stevie? Offer me up as a chew toy for _your friend_ here? Do you seriously think that will work? ARE YOU THAT FUCKING NAIVE? You stupid fucking idiot. Hundreds - thousands of people have been trying to find some way of curing it and they haven’t succeeded. Ever. IN CENTURIES.”

THUMP. 

“You said you won’t hurt me.”

“He won’t - he would never…”

Tony’s anger flared again.

“He? Who the hell is he? Do you think there still is _someone_ in there? Whoever he was and whatever he was to you, he’s long fucking gone. _You’re keeping it locked in a basement behind a metal door._ There’s nothing human in there left. Now it’s just banging its head against the wall because he _smelled_ me and all it can conceive is a way to get to me like the monster it - ”

Steve turned back abruptly. Tony flinched back. 

He was breathing raggedly, his clenched fists twitching. He seemed a breath away from grabbing him by the throat.

“He’s not a monster.” His voice was still soft. “He’s - he’s my friend. And he’s a good man. I won’t - I can’t stand by and leave him like this. I will _not_ leave him like this. If there’s any chance to save him - to help him...”

Tony smiled sadly.

“And you don’t care what you have to do to save him, do you?”

Steve didn’t answer.

“Steve” his voice broke. “Steve, please.” To his shame, his eyes filled with tears. ”It’s not just my life you’re gambling with.” 

For the first time, Steve’s iron conviction seemed to falter. 

THUMP

Steve jerked slightly at the sound and looked towards the door again. His eyes turned cold once more, the light in them dying. And taking Tony’s hope with it.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I really am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has given this story a chance! I'm beyond flattered that you seem interested, I can't even believe I got over 100 kudos. It's so great to receive feedback, especially since I'm just a baby writer.
> 
> Love, Maya


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m sorry, Tony. I really am.”

Tony scoffed, scrubbing a sleeve roughly against his cheek.

“Spare me. I don’t need your apologies, and I don’t want to hear your pathetic attempts at making yourself feel better.”

Steve set his jaw and didn’t respond. Tony wasn’t sure whether Steve’s increasingly obvious self-awareness was making him feel better or worse.

“So now what? You take him out to play? Or do you want to scrub me up first?”

Steve looked at him a few seconds more, then turned his head back towards the door. 

The continuous, rhythmical, terrifying noise.

Tony scanned his surroundings once more. Nothing but damp concrete and an old staircase. Nothing he could use. Nowhere he could hide.

“Steve. Listen. I can - I can help you. I know I don’t - don’t look like much right now, but I’m probably the smartest person you’ve ever met in your life.”

A small huff escaped Steve. He was still looking at the door.

“I can help you find a cure for your friend. All the people who ran all those studies before… most of the time their only goal was to understand how ferals … behaved, how they worked, how to stop them, to - to _neutralize_ them. They weren’t looking for a cure. But _we_ can. I can help you find a cure. I’m trained in maths and science and engineering and pretty much any subject other than poetry. I will find something to help him. I can - ”

Steve turned back towards him.

“Will you, Tony? With all the money and the labs and the people that you have at your disposal? All the ruins and the dead bodies that are left of them?” His lips twisted in a deprecating smile. “With all the resources of the Stark Corporation?”

The lurching cold spasm in Tony’s chest felt like drowning.

“I recognized you as soon as I saw you. To be fair, I had my doubts that Tony Stark would be in an alley in the middle of this wasteland… but then you told me your name.”

Tony closed his eyes and leaned back against a wall. A harsh laugh escaped him.

“Was that it? Is that why you brought me here? You think just because I used to be a Stark I deserve whatever happens to me?”

“No, Tony. To tell you the truth I don’t care who you are or what your name is.”

Tony kept his eyes closed for a few seconds more. He thought of his old home, the warm sheets and the subtle smell of coffee that permeated every room. He thought of Pepper.

He opened his eyes and shook himself.

“Let’s get this over with then.”

Steve looked at him a beat longer, seeming to weigh Tony’s sudden calm. Or his own resolve. 

His head lowered in a tight nod.

He walked towards the door, not a hint of hesitation in his step. Over the heavy noise from within, Tony made out the sound of metal scraping against metal. A high and piercing screech.

Then all sound stopped. 

Steve stepped back quickly, alert and poised like a cat. He was leaning slightly forward, his body no longer that of a harmless man. 

He had the bearing of a soldier.

The door opened.

The first thing that hit him was the utter darkness inside. It didn’t look like shadow, but like pure nothingness. Something was moving within, like water swirling in a deep lake.

The smell hit him next. The stench was so overpowering he nearly doubled over. The acrid smell of sweat and blood was wrapped in something far shaper, a red jagged smear of poison that screamed at him _RUN_.

It took shape out of the darkness like a nightmare.

Its hair was obscuring most of his face, but the rhythmic heaves of its body were unmistakable. Tony vividly felt like prey.

Blood was dripping off of its fingers, and Tony realised numbly that it must have been its own, matching the ravaged bloody mess of its left shoulder. 

The sleeve falling down from the pool of blood was empty and torn, contrasting sharply with the bulging muscle of its right arm. 

Tony’s mind stumbled at the sight, taking a moment to process what he was seeing.

_It’s missing an arm._

Its head turned towards him and fixed there.

Steve tensed.

_Don’t run. Don’t run. Don’t run._

When it took its first step towards him, Tony’s knees almost gave out in the effort of standing still.

Steve moved with it, a careful distance away.

When it was merely a few feet away, Tony saw its eyes. They were startlingly blue and empty.

In the next moment, it moved.

Its right arm darted out like a snake and went straight for Steve.

Its fist slammed into Steve’s throat with enough force to crush his windpipe, sending him down to his knees. Tony barely heard the horrible wet noise of his gasp over the growing drum in his ears.

The creature quickly followed with a swift kick to the torso, its movements fluid like water. 

Steve’s body made a heavy thud as it crumpled on the concrete.

_He’s dead. Steve’s dead._

But he couldn’t afford to spare another thought for Steve’s broken body, because its head moved back towards him.

_No no no._

It moved towards him in a slow and measured step. Tony thought of the black panthers prowling in the night. 

He waited until it was close enough, then he swiftly faked a punch at its head, while his knee rose sharply for its groin. He put all his body weight into the hit, and felt tissue contract and give way under the bone of his leg. 

But the creature didn’t flinch. He hardly reacted, its empty stare still fixed on his face with all the intensity of a starved animal. 

When its arm rose again, Tony pressed back into the wall and tried to dodge to the left. But his muscles barely registered the signal to _move_ when he felt a cold hand close around his throat. 

He stopped moving.

It was still breathing evenly, deep gulping breaths like a dog sniffing the air. Its eyes were fixed on Tony’s neck. 

When it leaned forward, its hot breath a brand on Tony’s pulse and its hand starting to slip down towards his chest, Tony felt himself slip under.

He lost the awareness of time and escape and the angle at which you must hit cartilage in order to break joint, all of him consumed by the instinctive need to _run_ , to curl up in the dark, to jerk away from the harsh hands that grabbed him and tore at him and crushed him into the damp sand. He thought he might have started crying, but he didn’t fell the wetness on his face, only the blood welling under his nails as he scratched desperately at the arm holding him still.

The hand released his neck and grabbed both of his wrists in one swift movement, while something hit the back his knee with enough force to send him sprawling. He lost his balance, and another jerk of his captured wrists brought him down on the cold cement.

A feverishly warm body covered him, and Tony felt himself slipping further away.

Puffs of breath warmed the side of his neck, moist skin pressed against his. It was _tasting_ him, in deep lungfuls of air.

He was so lost in his own nightmares, that he didn’t hear the shuffling of another body, and didn’t understand what happened until the heavy body was lifted from his.

The sounds of a violent scuffle. Growls and thunder in the dark. The heavy thud of the door slamming and the screech of metal being bent.

Steve’s harsh breathing and his body slumping in exhaustion against the metal frame.

Tony raised his head from the dark waves of panic and tried to breathe.

THUMP.

THUMP.

THUMP.

The seconds stretch in silence. 

Continuous, rhythmical, terrifying.


	4. Chapter 4

“-ny. Hey, Tony. Look at me. Tony, look at me.”

He saw a hand reach towards him and flinched back violently.

“It’s okay. Tony, it’s okay. It’s me.”

The voice was soothing, but Tony’s mind refused to associate it with the calm it was trying to evoke.

“Get away from me.”

“Tony -”

“Get. The fuck. Away.”

He registered the movement of a body in his periphery. The room seemed to brighten, and he vaguely registered the single light bulb hanging overhead, now unobscured by the shape leaning over him. 

As more awareness began trickling back to him, he had to start actively shying away from many of his thoughts. Fragments of darkness and cold, cave walls and moist breathing, a searing pain in his thigh. A cold blue gaze watching him like prey.

He concentrated on breathing.

_A light bulb. Electricity. The house still had power. Most likely an independent generator. Probably gasoline-fuelled. A lot of gasoline. A lot of electrical parts that could be removed and repurposed._

He concentrated on the part of his mind that was never clouded by fear and cold. The thoughts that ran tireless and bright like clockwork, a solid path he could hide on when everything else cracked.

“The sun will rise soon" the voice was quiet, as if afraid the noise would make him shatter. "I need to make sure upstairs is safe. You - Do you want to wait here or … or you can come upstairs.”

Tony turned his head and looked at Steve. There was a cut high on his brow bone, but the blood looked odd, like it had already congealed. The wound was disproportionately small to the amount of red smeared on his face.

“I’m sure as fuck not staying down here.”

Steve nodded and stood up. He had been crouched with his back to a near wall.

He didn’t offer his hand to Tony or try to approach him again, something Tony refused to feel grateful for.

He slowly walked up the stairs. He had a slight limp.

Tony needed 5 full seconds of mental coaching before he gathered the will to move a muscle. He got to his feet with all the grace of a centenarian.

But he followed.

\----------

The darkness upstairs was so deep, Tony had the disconcerting feeling that he had actually walked further down, burying himself beneath the ground. Steve’s steps had been too quiet to follow, so he just stood there at the top of the stairs and waited.

The click of the light being turned on made him startle.

It looked disconcertingly normal, and Tony realized that he hadn’t walked into a place which even vaguely resembled a home in years. 

It was all one room, a tiny door which must have led to a bathroom and another staircase up to another floor. The furnishings were sparse, only a mattress neatly covered with precisely folded blankets and several boxes leaning against walls. There were stacks of books near the mattress, the spines cracked and yellowed, with what looked like a sketchbook placed on top. A piece of charcoal rested on it, perfectly aligned to the book’s edge.

There was only one table, near a window covered in a material that looked so dense it might have been metal.

_Steel shutters. Seven point eight five grams per centimeter cube density. Unlikely to be damaged by any amount of force a malnourished Omega could apply._

The table was partially covered by a piece of dark cloth, which instantly caught Tony’s eye since it was the only object in the entire space which looked even vaguely untidy. It looked like it had been haphazardly thrown over a misshapen lump cluttering the table. Tony couldn’t see what it was from that angle, but he caught a glint of metal in the shadowed electrical light.

Steve moved around and inspected all the covered windows, then disappeared up the stairs for a few minutes. He returned and began lighting a few candles which he carefully placed on windowsills and next to the mattress. None on the table.

Tony stood there and watched.

“Is it always like this?”

“No, I usually let the sunlight in. Today I blocked the windows before I left, just in case I wouldn’t make it back in time. But you don’t have anything to worry about, the place is like a fortress during the night and others give this place a wide berth during the day. It’s the smell, I think.”

“That’s not what I - Do you always keep it locked up in that room?”

Steve turned off the electric light and lighted another candle.

“Not always. But I… I have to.” He said it with the air of a man who admitted the necessity of an amputation.

“He’s easily provoked. I mean, he’s usually more...unresponsive. But he has those… episodes I guess you could call them. And I fear one day he will just overpower me and disappear into the night.”

Another candle. The soft light made Steve's face look like marble.

“And I can’t let that happen.”

The turned his back to Tony and started rummaging through one of the boxes.

Tony briefly entertained the thought of braining him with one of the heavy hardcovers lying on the floor.

“So him going for your throat is a normal Sunday afternoon?”

Steve turned around, his outstretched hand offering a bundle of cloth and a toothbrush. It was such an outrageously domestic image, Tony had to restrain a hysterical giggle.

“These will be large, but they’re clean. There’s a shower in the bathroom. The water should run hot for a bit.”

Tony took them wordlessly.

“I don’t - I didn’t expect him to react like that. He must have seen me as a threat now because of your proximity. I didn’t think - I didn’t realize the instinct would run so deep. He’s not that kind of man.”

Tony thought of its eyes, that animalistic intensity which bled into insanity, and wondered how much time Steve had spent to convince himself that a man still existed.

\----------

The water was blissfully warm. Tony tried to be quick, he really did, but he couldn’t help the first few seconds of almost painful pleasure when the water hit his body. He told himself it was only water that trickled down his cheeks.

Afterward, he quickly put on the clothes Steve had given him, unwilling to face the sight of his naked body or the feeling of vulnerability that consumed him.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had brushed his teeth.

When he walked out of the bathroom, Steve was sitting next to a window. The shutters had been pulled up, and a soft sunrise was beginning to bloom on the horizon.

The night had passed.

He went and sat down on the opposite wall from him. A careful distance away from the mattress.

“Now what?”

Steve didn’t answer for a long time.

“You should get some sleep.”

“Will I wake up in that cell?”

Steve’s face flashed with a mix of emotions Tony couldn’t even begin to understand.

“It’s safe here. You can - you can stay for a while.”

“Is that an invitation? Or are you planning on more experiments? Is that what happens now?”

“No. I - I’m not sure what happens now.” 

The admission seemed to be torn out of him, and Tony began to realize how much Steve had really thought his little crazy experiment would work. Or maybe he hadn’t even _thought_ that. Just believed it in the bone-deep way a drowning man needs to believe there is a shore ahead.

His dog tags made a soft sound as he shifted his body more towards the window. Tony watched him as he enfolded them in one hand, his fingers absently stroking the metal. He saw it then, as if it was now bathed in the morning light.

“You were in love with him.”

Steve’s eyes didn’t waver from the purplish tint of the horizon.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered after a beat.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You’ve lost someone you loved. I know - I know how that feels.”

“I haven’t lost him yet.”

“Steve… you - you _must_ realize on some level - ”

“You know, it’s sort of funny. It feels just like last time. Like he’s just out of my grasp, and if I would reach just a bit further my fingers could touch his. Those five seconds stretched into years. Maybe this is what purgatory feels like.”

There was a strange quality to Steve’s voice. He sounded far away and not entirely aware Tony was even listening. He was still looking at the sunrise.

Tony could imagine him like that, sitting on a floor next to a shuttered window, his temple leaning against the wood. His own voice the only sound in the room, his breathing the only fracture in the still air, the rhythmical metallic thud of a door the only measure of the years that slipped by.

“Sometimes I feel like I never woke up. Like I’m still sleeping underneath and this is what my mind conjured up to punish me for my mistakes. Or maybe I never survived, and a consciousness above my own is, in fact, meeting out the punishment.”

“I’m sorry I put you through all this, Tony, I really am. But I would do it all over again and I will probably keep doing it. Because there is nothing in this world that means anything to me anymore. Before there had always been a battle and people who needed me, but now everything I can save is an old ruin. It’s like everything faded. I’m not sure if it’s my memory or my eyes or just my hope. But the only things I see are him and the dust. And If I do lose him, nothing will remain.”

His voice had softened to a whisper.

“I just hope I’ll be able to follow him.”

\----------

Tony ended up taking the mattress. Steve had retreated to a far corner of the room, insisting Tony be comfortable. After deliberating on whether or not he should point out that Steve’s regard for his comfort had become irrelevant the moment he had dragged him in the path of his slavering boyfriend, Tony accepted.

He had a moment’s spike of panic every time Steve shifted, aware of all the other uses he might find for him now that his function as a sedative had proved ineffective. While the creature downstairs instilled a primal terror in his very bones, Steve scared him in the way someone fears the depth of a frozen lake. His words earlier had been both baffling and terrifying. He could see now the deathly grip Steve had on his own sanity, and how tenuous that grip was.

He knew he wasn’t an innocent in this. He had chosen to follow this stranger in the hope he would end up in a safer place. If Steve or his pet didn’t end up killing him, the irony might.

He had been prepared for violence and giving away parts of himself, but the creature he ended up facing tapped into a fear so instinctive and overpowering he had completely lost any lucidity. 

That was what his thought kept circling back to. The sheer blank panic of it, the water choking him and the sand coming back beneath his palms. He had thought he would be able to keep his head, that if he knew it was coming he could survive it again. He hated how wrong he had been.

\----------

When he woke up the sun was high up in the sky. He wasn’t sure if it had been hours or days.

A can of beans and a bottle of water were placed next to the mattress.

Steve was nowhere to be found.

\----------

He barely saw Steve after that day. He would wake up each morning before Tony, before dawn, quietly dress, press the few buttons which pulled up the shutters on the windows and walk downstairs. The metal door would open and then close. Half an hour later, twin metallic screeches would sound again. 

There were never any other sounds, no growls or banging. It seemed calm when just Steve was there, allowed him inside and back out without a fight. 

At first Tony had assumed Steve was just staying in the basement. But then one day he had worked up the courage to creep down and check. The room had been empty. The boulder firmly put in place.

When the banging started, Tony had fled. He didn’t go back.

Steve always came back minutes before the sunset. It always made Tony restless, and he wondered every day whether Steve would make it. Some days he was afraid he wouldn’t, and he would be left alone. Other days he wished for him to never return.

He sometimes brought back food, other times clothes, other times nothing but a quiet exhaustion. 

Tony was now sure he must have been a soldier. He reminded him vividly of the men he had seen come back from the war, their silent despair and pained stiffness.

He barely said a word to Tony. Their sparse exchanges were contained to topics of survival. Food, shelter, water, security. Steve kept him updated on their resources and reassured him of their safety. Tony nodded and didn’t pretend to be reassured.

He spent his days sleeping and absently thinking about his past life. Every time he woke up in the gray mist of morning and realized where he was, he only turned away from the light and burrowed back beneath the blanket. 

He told himself he had a lot of rest to catch up on.

_This isn’t sustainable._

It would be either Steve’s patience or Tony’s sanity, but _something_ was going to snap.

\-------

Tony startled awake. The amber light of sunset was spilling into the room as he looked around, unsure what had pulled him from sleep. Then he heard it.

A crash. Deep voices coming down from upstairs, whispering through the darkness.

Someone was inside.


	5. Chapter 5

Someone was inside.

Tony scrambled off the mattress.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

That wasn’t Steve. That sure as fuck wasn’t Steve crashing through the window in the middle of the fucking day. 

Tony had to get out of there. Only someone desperate would break into a house that reeked of Alpha in broad daylight. 

Several voices carried down from upstairs.

_Or someone who brought his friends._

He quickly scanned the room and cursed himself for his stupidity. He had been in that room for days and he had barely bothered to look around. He almost rushed to the nearest stack of boxes to look for anything useful, when the first step of the wooden staircase creaked.

He went for the window. But of fucking course, Steve would take care to lock it just in case Tony got any stupid ideas.

“Jesus Christ, Matt, I swear even I can almost smell it. Whose fucking brilliant idea was it to pick this one?”

Tony had barely managed to slip into the bathroom when a dark-clad figure began descending the stairs.

“Relax, would you? He’s not here now. Besides, it’s always the Alphas who have the goods.”

“I still don’t think - “

“Just shut up and move, Jake,” a third voice snapped.

There was nothing in the bathroom. Nothing he could use. Not even a fucking razor. What the fuck did Steve even shave with?

“Well, at least it looks like it’s got potential. Jake, you go check out those boxes on the right while we - What the fuck are you doing, Matt?”.

There was a snort.

“I always forget how fucking useless you Betas are. Fucking clueless even when it’s right under - “

The bathroom door slammed open and smashed into the wall. 

“ - your fucking nose.”

A heavy set man was blocking the doorway, his eyes settling on Tony with an air of triumph _Gotcha._

Tony could only jerk back a few inches before a hand grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him out. He shot out a hand to claw at his brick-like face, but it was caught immediately. He could almost feel the bones of his wrist grinding together. The Alpha laughed.

"Damn, you still got some blood in you. Your Alpha must like you feisty."

He almost opened his mouth to plead, but instead he bit his tongue until he tasted blood. He had sworn never to beg them again.

“Fucking hell! Who the fuck is this?” A lanky kid, barely done being a teenager, was hanging back near the staircase they had come down from.

“Jesus, Matt, if you wanted someone to fuck we could have found something somewhere other than an Alpha-stinking hole.” The third man was leaning against the opposite wall, scratching absently at a ginger beard that barely masked his pockmarked face.

Brickface held Tony by the throat and leaned forward. 

“Nah, can’t you smell him? This one is ripe. An Omega.” He pressed his face against Tony’s neck and inhaled hungrily. “God.” He was so close that Tony could feel his muscles convulse as he swallowed. “It’s been so long since I’ve tasted one of you.” His calloused hand slipped underneath Tony’s shirt and ran up his side, grabbing at the flesh. His breath shuddered.

The kid laughed nervously. “Common, Matt. He could be back any second.”

Brickface pulled away with a grunt. “You’d shut the fuck up with your shit if you could _smell <\em> him, Beta. Fuck. I think he’s pregnant. I'm surprised his Alpha even managed to leave him alone. He’s just so -” He licked his lips and visibly tried to focus. “Stop fucking standing there. Look around for anything we can use. Be quick about it.”_

Redbeard rolled his eyes but moved away from the wall.

The heavy hand lifted off of Tony’s neck. He felt himself slip down until his knees hit the wooden floor. The sharp pain felt distant, a numbness spreading through him from the places the Alpha’s skin had touched his.

"You stay right here and wait for me, sweetheart. Nice and quiet."

They began rummaging through the room, turning over boxes and clearing out shelves, crashing like animals into the careful tidiness Steve so obviously preferred.

The Alpha’s eyes kept coming back every few minutes to rest on Tony as if drawn by a magnet. Tony could guess at what images were playing behind them.

The younger one moved towards the cloth covered table and grabbed at the dark fabric. It slid heavily towards the floor, revealing the strange shape that had caught Tony’s eye days before. Almost despite himself, he leaned over to see what was underneath, and his eye caught on a glint of silver.

“What the actual fuck - Matt, is this - fucking Christ! It’s a metal arm!”

Smooth lines blended into a prosthetic years beyond anything Tony had ever seen outside of his own lab. The metal plates fit seamlessly, creating the impression of muscle and sinew _and impact energy redistribution and tunable strain resistance and military-grade armor and -_

The intricate wiring at the end screamed of neural circuitry and made Tony’s fingers twitch. To think he had been in this room for this long with _this_ literally in his grasp. 

Then he remembered, like an image from a nightmare, a bloodied and empty sleeve.

 _What the fuck have you been doing Steve?_

“Fuck me. I’ve never seen anything like it. Pack it up. I’ll bet we can find many fuckers salivating over this.”

Jake nodded, still transfixed, and picked it up awkwardly. He seemed surprised by its weight.

They kept methodically going through the room. They were obviously well versed in this. Get in, grab the goods, get out. Take the goods and lock them away so you can fuck them in peace.

 _Steve where the fuck are you._

But Steve wouldn’t come back until nightfall. And judging from the light still glaring from the windows _\- the fucking locked windows -_ that was hours from now. Hours he didn’t have.

They would finish their plunder soon. And then they would pack everything up and drag him away with them. Drag him away to some underground layer where who knew what kind of new horrorshow was in store for him.

_Calm the fuck down, Tony._

He looked around again, slower this time. Steve hadn’t left him any weapons, probably afraid Tony might stab him in his sleep. A wave of anger clouded his mind for a second. Steve had just up and disappeared and left him alone in this house defenseless and with no weap- 

_But I do have a weapon._

The question was if he was stupid enough to use it.

Brickface straightened up from the boxes he had been scavenging, and his eyes again fell on Tony. His thin lips twitched into an oily smile Tony knew too well. _You’re mine now,_ it said. _Caught you,_ it whispered wetly on Tony’s skin. _You’re weak and powerless and all alone._

Tony gritted his teeth against a wave of burning hatred. He _was_ weak and powerless. Life had already taught him that. 

_But he wasn’t alone._

___\-----------_ _ _

___“Alright let’s go.”_ _ _

___Tony scrambled back to his feet._ _ _

___“Wait!”_ _ _

___“Shut it, Omega. We'll get home soon and everything will be alright.”_ _ _

___“No, you don’t understand.” Tony drew back until his back hit the wall. He let his lips tremble. ”I can’t leave. I can’t - “_ _ _

___The Alpha stalked forward and took hold of Tony’s collar. He pulled him closer, no doubt amused by his pitiful display._ _ _

___“Listen, sweetheart. I said -”_ _ _

___Tony reared back and slammed his forehead into the Alpha’s face. He wasn’t fast enough to dodge the hit._ _ _

____A hit from a weak Omega._ Tony thought with grim satisfaction._ _ _

___His nose crunched and immediately started pouring blood._ _ _

___“You fucking cunt!”_ _ _

___Tony had seen the slap coming, but it didn’t make the impact any less painful. He lost his balance and fell down hard on his hands and knees._ _ _

___Brickface began moving towards him again._ _ _

___“Wait! There’s medicine. The - The basement. He keeps the medicine there. I’m diabetic, I need the insulin. Please. I can’t leave without it. Please, I need -”_ _ _

___This time he didn’t see the hit coming. Hot blood overflowed from his lower lip._ _ _

___But they were looking at each other now, exchanging glances gleaming with greed. Medicine was valuable. Medicine was rare. Medicine was worth spending a few more minutes in this abandoned place with one scrawny Omega. His Alpha wouldn’t be here anytime soon, and even if he was, we can take him on, right Matt? Grab the medicine, grab the Omega, leave. Easy._ _ _

___When they shoved him towards the basement door, Tony went with a shiver._ _ _

___\-----------_ _ _

___They descended the stairs single file, Redbeard leading the way. The kid brought up the rear, while Tony was squeezed between him and the Alpha._ _ _

___“What the fuck is that smell?” the older Beta asked suddenly, his voice losing some of its earlier carelessness._ _ _

___“What smell? I can’t smell shit,” Brickface said irritably, still probing at his tender nose._ _ _

___“No - I - there’s a _smell_.”_ _ _

___“It just smells like my own fucking blood to me. It’s probably a dead rat. Stop talking shit and _move_.”_ _ _

___Redbeard reached the basement floor and looked around, frowning. It was dead silent._ _ _

___“I think the Omega is full of shit. There’s nothing down here.”_ _ _

___Brickface came to stand beside him. He noticed the metal door, it’s dark shape blending into the grey wall in the sickly light. “Fucking weird place for a door.” He suppressed a shiver. “Let’s get the fuck out of here before the man of the house comes back. Jake, go look - HEY!”_ _ _

___Tony barely had time to dash forward and lift the heavy pipe acting as a deadbolt before Brickface grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back roughly._ _ _

___“What the fuck is your problem Omega? Is that a safe room or something? And where the fuck is that insulin you were whining about?”_ _ _

___Tony had stopped listening, his eyes intent on the door. It didn’t budge an inch._ _ _

____Come on. Come on. Come on_ _ _ _

___“Know what?” Redbeard said abruptly. “Let’s just go. This place is giving me the creeps.”_ _ _

___“Don’t be stupid. He said there’s medicine here and we’re gonna find it first. Then we can - “_ _ _

___Tony made another desperate move for the door, but this time they saw it coming. The Alpha backhanded him sharply across the face, and his cracked lip welled up with fresh blood. It dripped sluggishly on the dirty floor._ _ _

___“Sweetheart, you’re just gonna end up hurting yourself really bad. Why don’t you just - “ The Alpha’s head jerked sharply to the side. “Hey, did you hear that?”_ _ _

___“Hear wha-”_ _ _

___A low growl welled up in the room, rising like a wave from the dark. The Alpha’s hand shot to his waist and grabbed at a gun._ _ _

___Tony picked up the heavy pipe fallen on the floor and swung it in a wide arc, its end crashing into the lightbulb hanging overhead._ _ _

___The room was plunged in darkness._ _ _

___The screech of the metal door was swallowed completely by the thundering of gunfire. It was almost unbearable in the small dark room, and Tony hurriedly covered his ears so his eardrums wouldn’t shatter. He backed away until his back met a wall and crouched down, covering his head._ _ _

___A beat of quiet after the gunshot, then a heavy thud as something smashed into the opposite wall._ _ _

___Then the screaming began. Wet gurgling sounds, like they were choking on their own blood. Muffled thumps, and sharp cracks like twigs being crushed underfoot. Tony counted his breaths and tried very hard not to let the smooth wall behind him turn into jagged rock and the dusty air in his nose become the suffocating stench of a cave._ _ _

___The quiet fell like a curtain._ _ _

___He tried to slow his erratic breathing so he could _listen_ , but his heart was constricting too painfully. He couldn’t make out even a whisper of movement. _ _ _

___Everything was silent._ _ _

___Something touched his leg and whatever air he had left in his lungs was lost on a breath. It sounded like a plea._ _ _

___Fingers tentatively touched his cheek. They were wet and sticky with what Tony knew had to be blood. They left a warm trail behind them as they skimmed over his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, up to his forehead and then down again until they reached his left eye._ _ _

___They stopped when they found his tears._ _ _

___They retreated and were soon replaced by the wisp of warm breath. The moist touch of a tongue pressed against his cheek and tasted._ _ _

___Tony sobbed._ _ _

___It pulled back at the sound, and the fingers returned to press against his lips. More tentative now, almost gentle. They dragged across his upper lip, then tapped the soft underside of the lower one as if testing the texture. They spread the metallic taste of blood._ _ _

___A thumb came up and pressed into the flesh, trapping his lip between the digits. The pressure increased until it ripped a muffled yelp from his throat, and then it disappeared just as suddenly._ _ _

___The hand moved lower, the whole palm dragging across the length of his neck and down over his chest towards his abdomen. When it slid over the wild palpitations of his ribcage, it hesitated and moved back up. It froze there, resting over his heart._ _ _

___They stayed like that for a long time, the moment suspended for minutes, or perhaps years._ _ _

___The frozen calm began slowing Tony’s rampant panic. He found these days that terror was a hard emotion to sustain over such a long time. He hoped that one day he would completely run out._ _ _

___Then a solid weight settled on his lap and he yelped._ _ _

___His muscles locked on instinct while his mind tried to piece together just what in the fuck was happening._ _ _

___He understood when he felt puffs of breath on his stomach through the shirt. An arm came up and wound around his waist, not restricting, but in the secure way a child would clutch a toy._ _ _

___He had to take a moment to breathe through the absurdity of it all._ _ _

___A deep inhalation. The exhale warmed the skin of his abdomen, and Tony shivered._ _ _

___After 674 breaths, he tentatively reached up a hand and touched the head in his lap. He felt matted strands of hair, slick with either blood or grease. The creature made a small sound, somewhere between a sigh and a whine. It seemed smaller now, the monster that had savaged their intruders, curled up on its side over Tony’s body._ _ _

___The weight on his lap shifted, and Tony froze again. But it only burrowed closer, the sharp edge of a nose nudging his abdomen through the cotton._ _ _

___Tony put more weight behind the gesture, and let his fingers settle on the warm weight on his lap. He slowly shifted the strands one way, and then another, not quite caressing, but with a gentleness he couldn’t help._ _ _

___Tony’s other hand lifted and found the hard shape of a shoulder, feverishly warm through the damp fabric. A muffled whimper shivered through the silence._ _ _

___He wondered what he had been like, this man Steve loved so fiercely. Had he been gentle and soft-spoken? Or a cocky youth running through the streets of a world turned to ashes? Had he loved Steve back, protected him with the same ferocity he had shown their intruders? Had he been oblivious to Steve’s silent devotion? Had he been a soldier? A friend? A lover?_ _ _

____I don’t even know your name._ _ _ _

___Tony listened to the quiet breaths in the dark and fell asleep cradling his nightmare._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys thank you so much!! I can't believe this story has so many kudos. I'm beyond overwhelmed. Thank you again for reading and I hope you'll stick with me through the ride. I know this might be a bit of a dark take on those characters but I promise there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
> 
> Love,  
> Maya


	6. Chapter 6

Tony woke to the sound of stone scraping against stone.

He had a wild moment of confusion. He kept blinking, but nothing would come into focus. He tried to move, but his lower body was pinned beneath a solid weight.

He felt the panic rising like a distant wave, miles away from the shore. He was oddly calm, a sense of safety enveloping him like a blanket. And he could smell something warm and soothing, like cinnamon and embers.

But then a flash of light tore through the darkness like a knife, and Tony registered the pain in his eyes together with an abrupt shift in atmosphere. It soured like poison. 

The flashlight was illuminating a misshapen pile of fabric, stained red and dripping slowly on the stone floor.

Tony heard a sharp intake of breath in the silence. Whatever came after was lost, because the weight on his lap vanished and the quiet was broken by the sound of two bodies slamming together.

“Bucky! Bucky, it’s me.”

The flashlight fell to the floor and rolled towards a wall. Torn flesh and clotting blood spilled out of the darkness. The memories from earlier came back to him all at once, and bile rose sharply in his throat.

The sounds of the struggle continued. Another crash, a heavy body hitting the floor, a guttural whine that sounded like both pain and fury.

“Bucky! Please - please, Bucky. I’m so sorry.”

Steve’s voice was choked by tears. 

Feet were scraping frantically against the floor, while the sound of harsh breathing was intercut by Steve’s sobs.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please - I’m so sorry.”

Tony pressed his body tightly against the wall, his palms against his ears. The sounds were permeated by such stark despair that they were too agonizing to listen to. 

After what felt like years, a metallic screech pierced through. 

Steve must have managed to wrestle it back into its cage, because the silence fell again, intercut by wet and panting breaths.

“Tony?” he shouted suddenly. “Tony, where - “

“I’m here. Steve, I’m here.”

A hand grabbed his shoulder suddenly. Too suddenly. Tony jerked back and choked on a scream, his exhausted heart giving another painful constriction.

“Tony. Sorry. I’m sorry. Are you okay? Tony, look at me.”

_How can he possibly see me?_

“Can you stand? Can I - Would you let me help you upstairs?”

The thought of being carried made his skin crawl.

“I can stand.” The words were faint and painful to get out, but he was relieved to hear his own voice outside his head. As if he had a hope of filling the void around him, even by a drop.

He staggered out into the light, Steve’s hand on his elbow.

\-----------

“What happened?”

He had washed and eaten another can of beans. Steve had even magically produced a small offering of cheap chocolate, wrapped in stained aluminium foil. The sugar had helped more than anything, even if he couldn't tell the taste.

He was curled up against the wall now, watching Steve pace around the ransacked room like a caged lion.

“Someone broke in. Three someones broke in. I tried to run out the window but it was locked.” He shot Steve a look. “I guess someone didn’t want me to leave. Anyway. Tried to hide, got found, punched around a bit. Took them downstairs so they’d pick on someone their one size. Well. Someone several times their size as it turned out. The end.”

Steve frowned, questions almost brimming out of him.

“How did they not smell him?”

Tony shrugged.

“Only one of them was an Alpha. Broke his nose and that took care of it. The others were scared shitless but couldn’t pinpoint why. So I guess the thought of scavenging around here was enough to convince them to stick around.”

Steve huffed.

“That was clever.”

He kept pacing the room. Back and forth, back and forth. For a split second after each turn back towards him, Tony could have sworn he saw Steve’s lips move soundlessly. Minutes passed before he managed to spit it out.

“Did he - did he hurt you?”

He knew instinctively Steve didn’t mean the intruders. Anger pooled at the back of his throat and tasted like venom.

“Why? Do you want to know if experiment 2.0 was successful?”

“Just. Please, just tell me.”

“No. Just sort of - collapsed on top of me. I think. I must have passed out for a while there.”

Steve nodded at the floor, his shoulders relaxing minutely.

Tony looked at him and thought back to the moment he had just witnessed. He felt like he was perched on the edge of a cliff. But, almost despite himself, he took a step.

_Don’t._

“Who’s Bucky?”

Steve startled. He looked at him with an intensity that would have been intimidating had Tony not been at the end of his fucking rope.

Steve’s gaze dropped back to the floor.

_Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know._

“It’s his name. Well, that’s what people called him. James Buchanan Barnes.”

_I’m sorry I asked._

“I’m sorry.”

Steve lifted a hand a pressed his fingers roughly against his eyes.

“Did you see what he did to those men?”

“No, I’m the one who crashed the lightbulb. It was dark the whole time.”

“They - at first I wasn’t sure what they were. I couldn’t tell - if they were human bodies.”

He looked up, and his eyes roamed aimlessly over the room. 

“I need to - I need to go - I’ll be back soon. I just need to - “

He was already moving towards the basement when Tony jumped to his feet.

“ _You need to go?_ Where _the fuck_ do you _need_ to go?”

Steve turned halfway but still wouldn’t look at him.

“I’ll be back. I just need to go for a bit - “

“It’s fucking dark outside, Steve! You need to what? Go out there and get yourself killed? Is this your answer to all this fuckery that _you_ dragged me into? Go find the nearest monster to rip you to pieces?”

His voice had risen to a shout, and Steve’s eyes finally shot to his.

“Don’t you fucking dare, you fucking coward! You are the one who got me into this, with your lost fucking love and your fucking misplaced ideals. And now you expect me to sit around and wait to be picked up by the nearest gang of hormone-run scavengers or hunted like a rabbit, while YOU go mope on a bridge and cry about how terrible the world is?”

A harsh laugh escaped him.

“You're pathetic. I know I’ve done nothing but lie on your filthy mattress for God knows how many days, but I think I deserve some time to feel sorry for myself given my current lot in life. And I sure as hell won’t spend the rest of my days in this hellhole listening to your sob story and dealing with the shitshow in the basement while I wait to die!” He took a breath. “I’ll go wash and pull myself together after the horror show I’ve just witnessed, and when I come out you can either be here to help me figure out how we can survive, or you can go find some rope to hang yourself with. Feel free to dive into the ocean, but I won’t get dragged down with you.”

He saw Steve’s violent flinch but he didn’t wait for a reply before going into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

\-----------

When he came out the room was empty.

Then Steve came down the stairs, and Tony realised just how terrified he had been of being left alone. The relief slammed into him so forcefully his knees trembled.

“I was just - cleaning up - fixing the window upstairs," Steve told the floorboards. "I’ll take the - the bodies out at sunrise. Try to get some sleep now. We’ll talk tomorrow. And - Tony - don’t - “

His gaze slid to the shuttered windows. 

“Don’t go down there again. Not - not for a while.”

\-----------

He didn’t wait for Steve to come back down. He just curled up on the mattress wrapped in one of their few blankets and ignored the disarray all around him. He would clean up tomorrow. He would figure out what to do next. He would deal with Steve. He would stop cowering like a weakling and keep surviving. Not just for himself.

But now he closed his eyes and tried very hard not to think about anything at all.

He wasn’t sure if he had fallen asleep at all when Steve’s hushed voice weaved out of the darkness.

“I don’t know what to do. You were always so sure of yourself, so calm. Nothing ever surprised you, nothing ever daunted you. I wish you would tell me what to do.”

No voice answered him. 

"I miss you so much. You can't imagine - I wish there had been another way. I'm so sorry."

Steve's voice kept splintering, strangled into a visceral ache. 

“Don’t go yet. Please don’t. Peggy, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone here. Please.”

Tony carefully opened his eyes. Steve was sitting on the bottom steps of the wooden staircase, shoulders heaving. 

It was still night, the steel blinds firmly shut. The room was empty.

\-----------

When morning came, Steve left to bury the bodies.

His chances of getting himself killed had dramatically diminished now that the sun was up, so Tony allowed himself to calm down.

He looked around. Boxes, books, blankets, clothes, their food supplies, all spread out on the wooden floor. He will have to go through them, tidy everything back into place. Build everything back up.

He looked towards the basement. The flashlight Steve had used yesterday was still by the door. He obviously didn’t need it when pushing around dead bodies in pitch darkness.

He wondered if Steve had opened the metal door, checked if it was hungry or wounded. Wounded after Tony had set it loose on those men.

He took a step towards it, then hesitated. Steve had told him to stay upstairs.

_Steve can go fuck himself._

\-----------

The floor was soaked in blood. Tony tried to keep the flashlight away from where he thought the bodies had been, but rivulets of clothed blood were running beneath his feet everywhere he stepped. The smell of feral seemed even more overwhelming now, mixed in with decay.

He stopped a few feet away from the door and stood there, frozen, for thirty-nine breaths. When he finally spoke, the sound of his own voice made him startle.

“Hey. It’s - it’s me. I just wanted to say thanks. For taking care of things earlier. And for not attacking me. So yeah. Thanks.”

It was so unnaturally quiet that for a second Tony had the irrational certainty that he had been already buried. That he would turn and there would be no door. No way out.

_This is insane._

When he turned to leave, the light spilt down on the floor around the door. The blood and dirt there were smeared in even streaks as if something had swept over them.

So Steve had checked. He had come down and opened the door. He had opened the door even after seeing the mauled bodies. He wouldn’t abandon it. He never would.

“Why is Steve this invested in you anyway?” the words spilled out of him, almost too loud in the darkness. “I mean I get the whole long-lost love and eternal devotion thing. But keeping you locked up in his basement _just in case_ he finds the cure for a notoriously incurable disease while letting you chew people up to your heart's desire is taking it a bit far wouldn't you say? What does he owe you that he’s willing to fuck anyone else over so that you’ll get your second chance, huh? Why do you even deserve a second chance when everyone else in this godforsaken place had to go on by themselves or be left behind? What makes _you_ so fucking special?”

Tony realized he was shouting. He took a ragged breath and let it out on a whisper:

“I hope you die in there like the monster you are.”

He turned abruptly and left, the steps clouded by his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for all your kind comments and support! I had no idea this story would interest so many people, and I am beyond overwhelmed!
> 
> The next chapter should be up within a week, since it's almost finished!
> 
> Love,   
> Maya


	7. Chapter 7

“Tony?”

The voice was tentative.

Tony didn’t move from where he was curled up on the mattress, facing the wall. The mattress was wet and cold beneath his cheek.

“Yes? Can I help you?”

“About - about yesterday. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

Tony scoffed.

“Believe me, Steve. You not being here yesterday is the least you have to apologise for.”

“I know. But I figured I should start somewhere. And it’s something I’m truly sorry for.”

Tony turned around and fixed him with an incredulous stare.

Steve looked away.

“I just wanted to tell you - You should go. He seems to be growing more and more - wild, and I - I can hold him only for so long.”

Tony jumped right over the implication that a _fucking metal door_ wouldn’t be enough to hold it and Steve’s underlying certainty that he would stand there on the other side until the very end, and went straight to anger.

“I should go? Go where exactly? I wasn’t even aware I _could_ go. I take it you’re done with me now? You’ve tried me out so now you’re gonna throw me away like a chewed up toy?”

“I didn’t mean - I’m not throwing you out! You can stay here as long as you want. Just - he is more dangerous - more than I thought he would be, and - I wanted you to know you can - should leave if - if you want to.”

Tony laughed.

“As off your rocker as you are, Stevie, and as much it pains me to admit it, you’re still my best bet right now. So now I think I’ll take my chances with you.”

Steve was staring at him now.

“You’ll stay with me.”

“Don’t take it as a compliment. Right now it’s between you and whichever Alpha gang lurks around. You can bet our visitors yesterday have friends nearby. Friends who will get curious about their whereabouts very soon.”

“I know.” He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand through his short hair. “We’ll have to move soon. It’s unlikely they came here without telling someone where they’re going. And this place is not at full capacity so we can’t exactly bunker up in here. Besides, I don’t want to risk having to fight off a dozen Alphas while Bucky is in this state.”

Steve had seemed more present during his little tactical speech than during the whole time Tony had known him.

“And how exactly do you plan on moving him?”

“I don’t know yet. We’ve been here for - a long time. I’ll have to - I’ll have to check one of the other safe houses. There is one five kilometres to the northeast and - “

“Safe houses? You what? So the new plan to prepare for their next visit is to leave me alone _again_ and hope they don’t come in at an _inopportune_ moment?”

“I’m not going as far without you this time. I will be able to smell the coming.”

“Just like you did last time?”

“I won’t stray that far again. I’ll make sure you’re safe. I promise.”

Tony sighed. “You’re an idiot, Steve. And I’m the bigger idiot for believing you. But ok. Ok - you’re right. We do need to move. So just go do your thing.“

Steve nodded, then hesitated and walked further into the room to kneel down next to a perfectly indistinguishable floorboard. He lifted it up in a practised manoeuvre and rummaged around the hidden space for a second before pulling out a small bag. The floorboard slipped back in seamlessly.

Then he came towards him, and Tony made the conscious decision to stand his ground. But Steve stopped an arm’s length away from him, his gaze unwavering, and offered him the bag.

“Take this. I’ll take advantage of the light and go make sure there’s no one nearby for now. Won’t be long.”

Tony blinked at him. He took the offering. “Oh. Okay. I’ll - I’ll be here when you’re back.”

Steve was still staring at him, his gaze turning anguished. He reached out and very lightly pressed the back of his fingers against Tony’s cheek.

He was unnaturally warm.

After the barest second of contact, he snatched his hand away and exhaled roughly, his eyes closing.

“Steve?” Tony whispered.

“Sorry - I - Sorry. I just wasn’t sure - sometimes I’m not sure what is - I had to check if - Sorry. I’ll go.”

Tony blinked after him, watching him rush to the basement door and disappear into the dark.

He sat heavily down on the mattress. He knew he should be glad for regaining his awareness, but sometimes he missed the blanket of numbness. His chest hurt, and he wrapped his arms around himself and held tightly until the tears came again. Heavy sobs that constricted his ribcage.

When he could breathe again, he opened the bag.

He knew what was inside before he saw the silvery glint of the gun.

\-----------

“I’m sorry. About last time.”

He hadn’t lasted more than a day. He told himself it was boredom. 

Steve was out again, looking for a new place they could hide away in. And Tony was down there again, sitting on the wooden steps and thinking about how he shouldn’t judge Steve for how mental he was given his own obvious lunacy.

“I guess I envy you. You having someone like Steve by your side. He is completely batshit, mind you, but he’s here, and be will never leave you. Even if you already left.”

The last sentence held the lilt of a question. But only silence followed, and words kept pouring out of him like poison from a wound.

“I only ever had Pepper, you know. Other people came and went, but they never stuck around for long. But she was really mine. Or I guess she let me be hers. I could never quite believe she chose to love someone like me.”

“She was one of the first people to get infected. Nobody knew what it was back then. She just came home one day and collapsed in my arms. I was so busy scrambling to save her and reverse engineer the strain killing her that I didn’t realise what was happening outside, how quickly it was mutating. Two weeks later she slipped away, and I woke up to a world on fire.”

The silence felt soothing now. No pity or judgement, only the emptiness of his loss echoed back at him.

“I was pretty much on my own after that.”

\-----------

He began making a routine of it. Every time Steve left on his little recon missions, Tony would wait for the sound of the metal door closing and then another hour after that. Then he would go down, carrying a candle and a blanket.

One day he would explain about field effect transistors. Another day he would practice his French. Another day he would talk of Pepper again. 

There were never any sounds coming through. He kept coming back regardless.

Some nights he woke to the echo of a scream and wasn’t sure who it belonged to. 

Sometimes he would hear faint sobbing coming from the other side of the room, and he would crush the pillow over his ear and refuse to feel Steve’s pain.

Sometimes he would lay awake and wonder. About the monsters outside the house, and the ones inside it.

He often thought about his arms enveloping a warm and trembling body, an agonised whimper reverberating through his own chest.

He wondered if it missed human touch, locked in that dark room. 

He wondered if it was also mourning James Buchanan Barnes.

\-----------

“What are you doing?”

Tony startled. Steve was eerily silent when he moved. After their odd little talk more than a week ago, there had been an awkward tension surrounding every interaction. Like Steve was almost scared of him, and Tony felt wary of any sudden shift Steve’s emotional state might undergo. He felt almost certain now that he didn’t have anything to actively fear from Steve, the keyword of that sentence being “actively”. Steve was like a moving shadow at the periphery of his vision. Who knew what it would materialize into.

Nonetheless, it felt disturbingly safe. They hadn’t figured out a new place to move to just yet and the looming threat was still ever present, but for now they were orbiting around one another in a precarious balance.

He held up the sketchbook he was thumbing through.

“Just looking around. I hope you don’t mind. Did you draw these?”

Something like a smile touched Steve’s lips.

“Yes. Some time ago.”

“They’re beautiful.”

Steve mumbled a thanks, looking almost embarrassed. 

With Steve not objecting, Tony kept carefully turning the old pages. They stayed like that, in a companionable silence, Steve leaning against the opposite wall and reading an old book, until Tony fell upon a drawing that made him chuckle despite himself. Even drawn in charcoal, the uniform was unmistakable.

“You a Captain America fanboy? Wouldn’t have seen it coming.”

He did smile then. And it was possibly the most human expression Tony had ever seen him wear. A touch embarrassed, a touch nostalgic. It was warm, but it still didn’t manage to thaw the sadness that always enveloped him.

“Yeah. You too?”

“Had the pyjamas and action figures and everything. I was the coolest kid on the block.”

Steve huffed a laugh. “I don’t doubt that.”

He went back to reading, but then he added, almost like an afterthought. “Some people said he came back. Before the war.”

Tony rolled his eyes. 

“Some people said Jesus came back. I bet it was just some rumour someone started because they needed some fucking hope when all that hell broke loose.” He chuckled. “Why? Did you believe them?”

Steve huffed a laugh and lifted his eyes to look at him, smiling softly.

“Of course not. Captain America died a long time ago.”

\-----------

The small Bible had been resting underneath the sketchbook. It was utterly undistinguished, but Tony thumbed through it anyway a few days later out of utter boredom. All the boxes had been sorted through, all their belonging rearranged, all the old novels read, the mystery of the metal arm still out of his reach without any tools at his disposal.

Tony found the piece of yellowed paper pressed between two of its pages. He carefully unfolded it, the texture fragile like a membrane. 

When he saw the signature at the bottom his heart lurched, but his hands remained steady. That feeling of being perched on the edge of a cliff returned as he contemplated putting it back where he found it. But, as he knew from the beginning he would, he read it instead.

_Dear Steve,_

_They encourage us to keep writing letters to our loved ones, so I guess you’ll have to resign yourself to receiving them._

_I’m racking my brain for something to tell you that doesn’t include mud and complaining about rations. I’m coming up short. It truly sucks balls being here, and I have to remind myself every day why we’re doing this. Sometimes I come up short with that too._

_One of the other men here said the other day that he sometimes struggles to recall the faces of his family. I’m afraid this will happen to me since I hadn’t thought to bring a picture of your ugly mug. So I guess I’ll just have to keep you constantly on my mind, lest I forget any details._

_Last night I couldn’t sleep ~~so I thought of you~~. It gets really cold at night, so we have to sleep really close together. One of the other guys, Dugan, snores like a motherfucker. If we’re ever found, it’s because they heard him all the way from Germany._

_He’s a nice fella though. He gave me this old magazine he had with him. I sneak in a few pages every once in the while when we can spare the light. Some of the stories are the kind of boring nonsense Sister Nancy would consider entertaining, but there are a few which you would love. There is this one about some men lost in space, by some Asimov fellow, that really makes your mind wander. But then again, I might be partial to it because God knows I know the feeling._

_I’ll try to ~~bring it back for you~~ send it to you._

_~~I wish -~~_

_~~Please don’t forget me -~~_

_Send my love to mom and the girls. And please for the love of God don’t get into trouble._

_Yours, always,  
Bucky _

Tony carefully folded the letter and placed it back among the yellowed pages. He pressed his fingers against his eyes until the tips turned white.

“Goddammit,” he muttered. “God. Fucking. Dammit.”

\-----------

The stairs creaked faintly with every step.

When he reached the door, he pressed his palm against it for long minutes.

He contemplated going back upstairs, grabbing whatever food he could get his hands on, and then leaving this place forever. He could go and never look back.

_You fucking idiot._

Instead, he grabbed at the lock and lifted.

It opened with the same metallic screech like always. When the smell and the fear came, Tony thought of cinnamon and embers. When a body took form out of the darkness and came towards him, Tony refused to step back and close his eyes. He extended his right arm and pressed his palm against a heaving chest. Only the barest pressure of his fingers and it stopped advancing.

He stopped.

Without the blurring edge of panic and adrenaline clouding his mind, Tony could _see_ him. Actually see him beyond the shape of a nightmare he had been so far.

He was shockingly young.

Beneath the dark hollowness of his eyes and the overgrown beard hiding most of his face, Tony could make out pale, smooth skin. His eyes were a deep dark blue, and Tony could imagine how luminous they would have been if not marred by pain and insanity.

He could imagine him at that moment as the man Steve was so determined to see him as. The man he had loved.

“Hey.”

Tony reached out tentatively and rested a hand on his right shoulder.

“Hey, it’s me. Remember me?”

His eyes searched Tony’s, unfocused and clouded. He remained docile under his touch, awake but far away.

Tony’s hand slid down to gently grasp his hand.

His fingers skimmed over the wrist, the touch a shocking warmth against his fingertips. 

He realised it was the first time he had touched his skin. 

The soft tissue felt thin and vulnerable, a jarring contrast to the barely contained aggression that seemed to leak out of the rest of his body. Tony’s thumb traced the exposed sliver of skin and felt one of his calluses catch at the fragile vein. 

His whole arm jerked under Tony’s touch, an uncontrollable shiver.

“Shh. It’s okay.” he murmured soothingly.

His fingers moved lower, tracing the back of a hand and then sliding underneath, their palms now pressed together. Tony curled his fingers around his larger palm, keeping his own hand underneath, a point of both support and supplication.

He kept up a steady stream of soft assurances as he took a step back and pulled.

“We’re good. You’re good. It’s okay. Come with me.”

Tony slowly backed away towards the staircase without turning his head, chasing the thin sliver of light in the corner of his eye.

He followed.


End file.
